The testing day arrived. I had actually forgotten about it, put my concerns behind me, allowed Milo just to "be". And then the day arrived, and I tried to remember why we were going. We met with the team of experts who began questioning me about my concerns. "I'm not sure anymore." "Well, things are better." "I don't want to waste your time." These were my answers that kept coming out of my mouth...while Milo hid under my chair with his blanket over his head for 30 minutes. It became obvious, through no fault of my own, why we were there. While 2 of the therapists laid on the floor behind me trying to coax Milo out of his comfort zone, I began to relax...and I began to talk about our life. Our life that had become normal and "okay". One that I had accepted. I knew that Milo was not autistic, and I was pretty comfortable saying I didn't think he had Asberger's. So what was it? What was it that made my mommy instinct tell me I needed to keep going? That my almost 4 year old was not comfortable in his own skin? And then the psychologist said, "Imagine your skin crawling all the time. Imagine your ears burning every time you heard a noise. Think of your eyes being so sensitive every time there was a light that was different than the light before. Now imagine being 3 years old and not having the language skills to communicate that." And THEN I felt what my son has been feeling. For a second, I felt all his frustrations. And it was heartbreaking. As adults we overcompensate all the time for pain or discomfort that we feel...we overeat, we lash out at others, we cry, we pray, we drink, we smoke, we talk with friends/family. We COPE the best way we can. But to physically feel uncomfortable and anxious with anything that is not a daily routine at the age of 3 (when there is a language/speech delay as well), what other way to cope than to act out, to talk about things incessantly, to run into inanimate objects as hard as you can? What other outlet could he possibly have? So, while I am so thankful and blessed to have a son who is healthy, who's mind is 101% capable of functioning in a normal fashion, who can show me he loves me and know I love him back, this journey has opened my eyes and my mind and my heart to the many mothers who will never have that. And it's so incredibly painful. I felt just a beginning of their pain a year ago when Milo was much different, much more reserved, much more detached. So I'm lucky. And I'm blessed. We will begin several different types of therapies on a weekly basis. And I believe we will get through this without medication. That is the goal, anyway. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us, who has given me comfort and advice. I still need it! But now I can move forward knowing that professionally speaking we know what we're dealing with. And that's all I wanted.