Why we'll be okay...

After the past counseling session last week, and the 20 minute pre-evaluation we had today via phone - this is why I know we will be okay. Question after question was asked today...very specific questions relating to, I'm sure, a plethera of disorders. There was no feedback based on my answers, so the questions contined and I began to question what our life has REALLY been like the last 3 1/2 years we've been blessed with Milo. The "things" that I didn't realize were "things" were coming to light. To paraphrase: are there food/eating issues? yes. does Milo spin in circles? yes. does Milo have his own language (jibber jabber)? yes. is Milo intolerant to pain? yes. is he sensitive to sounds? yes. And the list goes on and on and on. So tonight, as I watch Milo spin in circles 5, 6, 7 times throughout the evening...I realize maybe he's been doing this for a while. Maybe I don't notice just how often he soothes himself by spinning. Maybe I don't realize he's soothing himself, because he doesn't act as though he needs soothing. As I listen to Milo say a fragmented sentence followed by "bcha bcha bcha bcha bcha bcha" several times throughout the evening, I realize how much more aware I am now of these "things". But this is why I know we'll be okay. This is our life. This is what we have grown accustomed to. This is our life that we consider "normal". To an extent, of course, considering I have known there was "something" for a while. Our abnormal life is normal to us...it's normal to Milo. And this is why we'll be okay. So if there's a label placed upon my son's amazing traits...we will be okay. Because we have been for 3 1/2 years now. I may get frustrated and cry sometimes. I may be exhausted all the time. But he is happy. For now, he is happy. And so I guess that means that we've been doing an okay job of being okay.

Progress...

My Milo...my monkey Milo. We are starting a process with Milo. We attended a counselling session yesterday for an hour and a half. About midway through the session, the counsellor began to ask specific questions relating to Asberger's syndrome. My hands began to sweat and I felt my throat swell and my eyes well up with tears. If you know me at all, you know I have always felt there was "something" with Milo. There was always something just a little off...maybe only something a mother would know. I'm not sure. But I have known since he was 1 that Milo was a special kind of special. As the session continued, Milo stayed in rare form (which for him is normal). He was his perfectly normal crazy awkward self. At the end of the session, the counsellor referred us to an Autism testing center. I don't know what will come of all this. I don't know if Milo has Asberger's. I know I do not want my child on medicine...I don't want them to take away his "specialness". But I need to know how to be a mommy to him. So whatever diagnosis they give him...whether it has a name or not...I just need to know. His life will be so much GREATER when we can all adjust our lives to his needs. I would like to ask for prayer. Pray for Milo to continue being a wonderful little boy. Pray for Isaac to continue to have patience. And pray for Kary and I to accept whatever God has in store for us and for Milo.

My Milo

I love my little 3 year old. His personality is larger than life. He has a joy that is infectious. I am envious of his enthusiasm for EVERYTHING. When I come pick him up from daycare, he tells me "Mommy, I miss you all day." or, "Mommy, I love you the most." He wants butterfly kisses and eskimo kisses and big kisses and big hugs. Everything is so BIG to Milo. He is the extreme 3 year old. When he colors, he picks the brightest colors he can find and colors an entire picture one color. When we sing the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song, he sings (yells) it the loudest. If we are pretending to fish in our yard, he will find the biggest stick and tell me it's his fish he caught. He loves being tickled until he can't breathe. Milo could drink milk all day long. He could eat butter and ranch and ketchup out of a bowl. There is no in-between smile with Milo. It's the cheesiest, widest grin you could ask for. This is such a small portrait of my Milo. But these are the things that I love...and that I try to remember when his "bigness" is overwhelming to me. 

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

Isaac asked me at dinner how God's little tiny hands could hold the whole huge world. I told him that because he's God he can do anything. He then asked why God made tornadoes and storms. In lieu of delving into a theological discussion with my 5 year old over Breadeaux cheese pizza, I decided to go the safer route...literally. I told him that God just protects us during those times. But Isaac didn't stop there...he asked why God, if he was so powerful, couldn't just stop the tornadoes. Well... The question we've all asked, and here it was phrased by a 5 year old. I don't know. I don't know why God doesn't just stop bad things from happening. So I'll concentrate more on what He does for us when they DO happen. Because I've had a lot of bad...and I've created most of it. But the 2 boys sitting at my table tonight are the direct result of what God can do for us if we are willing to have faith and believe in what we know is right. I don't deserve this goodness...but I'm so thankful for God's tiny little hands that hold me everyday.

Tree Climbing

Isaac's first tree climbing experience...with the help of some metal pegs that daddy inserted into the tree. And the entire time he was climbing and we were cheering, I just knew he was going to fall and break his arm. Isn't that how every kid breaks their arm when they're little?

Parent/Teacher Conference

It's one thing for a parent to think their own child is a genius...is a good friend...is polite. But it is another thing entirely for someone else (especially one in a position of authority) to feel the same way. That is exactly what happened tonight. Isaac's kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Butler, has raised 5 boys and been teaching for 20 plus years. She knows her stuff. And she apparently knows my son as well. She had nothing but praise for Isaac...as a person and a student. And I may be more proud of how he carries himself as a little boy...he is kind, generous, loving, and RESPECTFUL. I am so proud of my son. I know it's only kindergarten, but there are some parents who do not get to leave that classroom feeling as I do. There are some parents who don't even show up. And there are some parents who won't walk away with a sense of duty to make their child better...no matter how well the conference went. I promise, Isaac, that I will ALWAYS guide you to be a better boy, a better young man, and a better man. I love you so very much. And could NOT have been prouder of you. Love, mommy.

The Beginning

Here is the first, of what will hopefully be many, short stories of our lives. Because I am a proud mother, I have a selfish notion that everyone else in my life is as interested in our temper tantrums, potty fiascos, and school adventures as I am. I guess if you're not, you actually have the choice (unlike myself) to remove yourself from the chaos.